SATC 2

With the release of "Sex and the City 2" just around the corner, I can't help but take a moment to reflect on how life has changed since the first movie came out. The bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers, the financial meltdown, real estate prices down by 20% - New York City isn't quite the place it used to be.

While Wall Street is on a downward slide, I wonder if the same can be said about single women in the 30's. Are we already past our peak (which seems to be what some reviews have said about the SATC girls)? Famous cougars like Demi Moore and Susan Sarandon would seem to indicate otherwise, but are regular Janes out there without the celebrity status on a downward slide?

Perhaps, like all over aspects of life, it's individual. For those single ladies who still take care of themselves (i.e., continue to dress stylishly, workout and keep fit while fighting the change in metabolism that seems to kick in sometime in the late 20s/early 30s), the odds seem good that the best years are yet to come. Better jobs and more disposable income that come in your 30s plus more self awareness and confidence would seem to present more opportunities to become well round person and potentially meet more interesting single men. But for those that don't work (both at a real job and work at still looking good), perhaps those are the single ladies that are destined to have a tough time dating in their mid to late 30's. So for US, there's nothing to worry about, right? ;)

He's Just Not That Into ME?

As I FINALLY got around to watching the movie "He's Just Not That Into You," I cringed as the characters on the screen reminded me of my friends and me (during various phases of my life).

Why isn't he calling me?
Why doesn't he take me out on a REAL date?
Why do we just meet for drinks or late at night?
The simple answer: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!


And yet, most of us women don't get it! WHY? Is it our ego? Is it self preservation?

The Bachelor: A Flawed Concept

Okay, I admit it. I watch garbage TV. While I get my share of "60 Minutes" and "Charlie Rose", I find myself watching shows like "The Bachelor." It's like the accident on the highway that you can't help but look at as you drive by.

I never used to watch these shows until DVR came along. Now it's too easy to hit "record series" and catch an hour show in 35 minutes which for whatever reason seems like an efficient use of time. Never mind, the fact that I "spent" (wasted?) 35 minutes watching this garbage.

Now in it's 13th season (wow, it's been on for 13th seasons?), there must be a reason why "The Bachelor" is still on the air, right? But of the 12 completed seasons, 5 resulted in proposals, and apparently 2 are still engaged, but there have been no weddings. Interestingly, there have been 4 seasons of "The Bachelorette", all of which lead to proposals (granted, not all accepted proposals) and only one wedding. So despite the rating success of the show, a 6% marriage success rate (we'll see what happens with single Dad, Jason) seems pretty dismal. (BTW, thanks wikipedia for those stats because I never would've come up with them on my own!)

Taking a step back - WHY on earth would someone think this formula would actually lead to sucessful marriages? One guy gets to pick among 25 women, all vying for his affection. Sure the guy is usually good looking, successful, and they go on amazing dates, but why do these 25 women all want to marry THIS guy? They just wait around to be picked, hoping to get that final rose. This really doesn't seem that much different than a mail order bride. Sure, the Bachelor gets to know them and vice versa, but why does the Bachelor get to make all the decisions? The whole concept seems a bit absurd.

He's Just Not That Into YOU

A New York Times bestseller and now the #1 movie, "He's Just Not That Into You" should be familiar to most single women across the nation and yet, I'm convinced that most single women do not think the "YOU" in the title actually means them.

Single Girl: "We went out a few times and had a great time. We finally hooked up on Saturday. Now it's Thursday and I haven't heard from him. He usually calls/texts/emails by Tuesday or Wednesday to ask me out or at least check in...."
Single Friend: "Oh, don't worry. He'll call. I'm sure he's just been busy"
Single Girl: "Should I send a quick text?"
Single Friend: "Sure, it can't hurt. He's probably just busy at work and would appreciate you reaching out "

WHY, do we always feel like we need to be the "good friend" and protect the Single Girl's feelings? Why can't we just tell the Single Girl that if the guy really liked her and wanted more than a hook up, he would've called by now?!

So, the Single Girl calls/texts/emails the guy and what happens? Perhaps they go out again and maybe this dating situation gets dragged out a little longer. But honestly, if the guy was really into her, wouldn't he have contacted her first? So isn't the Single Girl better off not contacting the guy? Then if he never calls, she knows he was just looking for a hook up OR maybe he ends up missing her and makes contact. But in any case, wouldn't you want to know sooner rather than later what the real deal is?

Single for a Reason

Lately I've been wondering, is it awful to be 35 and single? Or to be more specific, is it awful to be 35, FEMALE and single? Are women in their mid-30's single for a reason? I would like to think that my excuse is that I was career-driven and just had not met the right guy. For some reason that seems to be a perfectly plausible and even admirable response for why a guy is single, but why are our standards different for women?

Back, but no longer in the City

After 9 years of living in New York City, it's time to move back to the West Coast. I'm 9 years older, perhaps a little wiser, and a little more jaded (thanks Big Apple), but convinced that I have a new, fresh approach to the single life in LA. Okay, I know the New Yorkers will argue that LA is not a city, let alone the City with a capital C. Nonetheless, I'm ready to be Single in a "New" City.

Reality vs. Fiction

Hundreds of eligible bachelors right at your fingertips, all within 5 miles of your zip code. All are charming, handsome, rich, romantic, and single. Online dating seems to offer a lottery of potential mates and yet, why haven’t these seemingly perfect men already been snatched up?

You would think if these guys were so wonderful and seriously looking for Mrs. Right, they would have found her by now. But I wonder if the real alleged “Mr. Right” doesn’t live up to the hype? You never see a profile that says he is shallow, selfish and stupid – and yet, why do we meet so many of these guys in real life? If we were to take the online dating world as a snapshot of the City, we should be surrounded by gorgeous, sensitive, and rich men just waiting to take us out. It wouldn’t matter whether we were tall or short, fat or thin, ugly or hot – just as long as we “had a good heart.” But the real world doesn’t seem to mirror the online world.

Perhaps if there were truth in advertising laws on these online dating sites, this process would be a little more fair (or at least realistic). You wouldn’t have people who post pictures from 10 years ago when they were 20 pounds lighter and had more hair. Being shaped like a basketball couldn’t be classified as “an athletic build.” Tax returns and W-2’s/1099’s would be required as proof of income as opposed to just clicking a box labeled “$150K+”. Maybe even your last 3 ex’s should be surveyed and available as references. At least then, maybe you wouldn’t be expecting Prince Charming when a frog shows up at your door.

Admittedly, I’ve never dated online, so perhaps my vision of the online world is blurry. So if anyone would like to clear things up for me, feel free.

Excuses

As I was walking through the halls of my office building, I overheard two women having the following conversation about their friend and her challenges with dating:

Woman #1: "Does Suzy date a lot?"
Woman #2: "I guess. She goes out on dates, but nothing really pans out."
Woman #1: "So what's the problem?"
Woman #2: "She has a really hard time finding the right guy. She's successful, smart, and does really well, so she has a hard time finding guys that measure up."

So this made me wonder why do so many successful and smart women have such a hard time finding the right guy? We all seem to know these "great women" without boyfriends. Why are there so many of them out there? And yet, there's an odd scarcity of "great men" out there.

It seems odd to me that you rarely hear the opposite scenario. You never hear guys say, "He's successful, smart and rich, but he just has a hard time finding the right girl." Okay, so there's the RARE occasion that we hear about such a mythical guy, but the reality is a guy like that never has a hard time finding a girl. Especially in New York, on the rare occasion that an Investment Banker is out from work, women flock to him like... (well, you know the saying.)

So what's wrong with these wondefully successful women? Are their expectations too high? Are men intimidated by them? Or are all these just excuses?